How to recover from mistakes?

Learning to fail is a skill like any other and, therefore, can be developed if you work at it. It is interesting to keep it in mind and cultivate it because, in our personal and professional life, in all the projects we have, we will make mistakes and nothing should happen if we fail. If we knew everything about what we were doing and could do everything perfectly, we would not learn, but we would not grow.

As a curious fact, according to one study, when a woman fails at something she has set out to do, she tends to question her abilities or skills. But when a man screws up, he often attributes it to external factors contributing to the mistake. When we consciously or unconsciously resort to self-blame, we may be feeding insecurity and generating that in the future we do not take risks that can be very positive and, therefore, we stay with what is safe.

Psychology professor Carol Dweck, calls the belief that failure is determinative, rather than a wake-up call to stop, reflect and improve, a “fixed mindset“. Therefore, she invites us to change that fixed mentality for a “growth mentality” and to see mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow professionally and personally.

Faced with a situation that poses a risk and raises many doubts about whether to take a step forward in one direction or another, we invite you to ask yourself the following questions and take the time to think about them and give you an answer:

What’s the worst that can happen?
Can you deal with that result?
What resources do you have to manage it?
What possible benefits can you draw from failure if the situation doesn’t work out?

Once the questions have been asked, in the event that the decision ends in a mistake, you will be more aware of it and of the benefits you can get out of the situation. That will be a way to learn how to fail. Other ways to deal with mistakes are discussed below, which we hope you can keep in mind to help you have a growth mindset.

4 TIPS FOR DEALING WITH MISTAKES

1. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR MISTAKE

When we make mistakes we blame ourselves and our mind fills with intrusive thoughts about everything we have done wrong. We only focus on the failures and a good way to combat those thoughts is to remember the times we have succeeded, that we have done well.

2. SELF-COMPASSION

Sometimes the person who is hardest on the mistakes we have made is not others, but ourselves. What would you say to a friend if he or she fails? Why aren’t you able to be that way with you? Three steps to practicing self-compassion that Professor Kristin Neff recommends are:

– Be aware of how you feel without exaggerating or denying your feelings. Try not to make the event bigger than it really was. Connect with the truth of what has happened.

– Remind yourself that you are not alone. Knowing that you are not the only person who can make mistakes and, in particular, that mistake, makes you feel more human.

– Imagine what you would say to a friend in the same situation and practice saying the same words to yourself.

3. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

If instead of practicing compassion we keep bombarding ourselves with criticism, it can increase anxiety and stress. Thinking about it and taking advantage of it is positive, but thinking too much with an exaggerated and agonizing self-criticism, which is constantly repeated, can lead to problems with our health.

Some tools to stop those intrusive and repetitive thoughts can be to take a walk in nature, focusing your attention for a few seconds on the color of the elements you are seeing or on the sound.

Have a recurring image that makes you stop for a moment, something that connects you with a beautiful feeling. Sometimes, focusing your attention on something that makes you happy or conveys calmness takes your mind off those negative thoughts.

Remember and/or write down everything that is beautiful in your life and that you are grateful for. Asking yourself the question “What am I grateful for right now?” can stop you from feeling bad and put an end to the vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts about those mistakes made.

Get moving. You don’t just move through sports. You can do something that activates you like cooking a new recipe, painting, making a craft… something that involves your attention and gives you some kind of satisfaction.

4. ACT

Can you solve these mistakes by acting differently? If the answer is yes, learn from the situation, analyze what you can do differently next time and, as the last step, do it. Work out what you can and what you can’t, after you get the learning out, accept it and let it go.